27 June 2012
Captain UN leapt over the wreckage of the car.
The terrorists were busy preparing to kill some innocents with their Ultimate Death Ray.
"Stop!" he shouted, wielding his UN shield with authority.
The terrorists paused a moment.
"No!" they said.
"Oh, okay," said Captain UN, slumping slightly.
He turned and slowly left the scene.
26 June 2012
It was night. This part of the city was dodgy. It was if a giant golem made of rubbish had had a battle with a creature made of old boxes and exhaust pipes.
I made my way down the street. Past a dark alleyway. Past a flickering neon sign for a pub called the Dagon's Armpit.
I knocked on the door. A little hatch opened.
"Yeah?" said a gruff voice.
"Vortog the Merciless sent me," I said.
There was a moment's pause.
The door opened. It was dimly lit inside. Just a few skull lamps providing a low, red glow.
A burly centaur in sunglasses gestured for me to go inside.
Six gnomes sitting around a table, smoking hookahs and laughing. They stopped. One fixed me with a hard stare.
"I ..." I began.
"Shut it," said the Gnome. "What's a monkeyboy like you doin' in my club?"
The Gnome tilted his chin aggressively. "You a cop?"
"I was sent by Vortog ..."
"... the Merciless. Yeah. I got that. In that weren't so, you'd be centaur feed already. This better be good."
I paused and gulped back my fear. "I bring a message from Xeriousghui in the Southlands."
"Ah, of course!" said the chief gnome.
The mood lightened.
The gnomes seemed sad. A message from Xeriousghui, King od the Unpronouncably Named People of the South and no gifts!
A darkness had truly spread across the land.
25 June 2012
Quoth a friend today:
"Sex, Survival, Money and Death. That's what life's about. In that order."
23 June 2012
It's like a party! But you're in a pit of infinite doom filled with ogre entrails, distilled angst and catshit!
22 June 2012
Ultimate Battle Cyclops 3: Rise of the Eyeballs.
Now in 1D!
21 June 2012
My washing machine is rumbling in the laundry. The reverse cycle heater is warming the room. I have a car outside. There's a massive library of everything waiting on the internet. A giant warehouse of supplies in my local supermarket. Running water, sewerage, electricity, too.
A king in the 1200s wouldn't have had these luxuries!
But nowadays a nerd like me - of modest means - can live regally.
I mostly concern myself with First World Problems
But there's something going awry.
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